Communicating In the New Century

In the process of leading our Inner Circle sessions, I often get the privilege of helping leaders navigate challenges.

Lately, one of the topics I’ve been hearing about is what I am going to call – communication across the generations.

That’s not how it was brought up but if I distill it down, that’s what it’s about at the core.

So how do you communicate to someone who has had a much different life experience than you?

They grew up in an era where there wasn’t multiple channels of instant communication or messaging.

Or perhaps they grew up with technology and you simply don’t understand how to gain common ground.

Maybe they even have a much different personality style than you.

When I hear this issue, no matter which side it’s coming from, the first thing I always want to encourage is connection.

That requires communications skills at some of the highest level.

So, if you’ve ever dealt with this issue, set aside your desire to be right or to have the other person see your perspective.

Get to know the other person.  Understand them.  Find common ground.

Be interested enough in them to ask questions.

That’s going to require a lot of listening. 

I call it generous listening.

You’ll hear more about that in the month of September.

But for now, begin learning how to set aside the things you want to say next after someone is sharing something with you.

Begin thinking in questions.

Like…

“Hmmm….I wonder what they meant by (fill in the blank)” or

“That’s really interesting.  Can you tell me more?”  (there will always be more)

When we begin to think in questions, we’re exercising our curiosity muscle.

I’ve found that curious leaders are really good leaders because they want to dig deeper than the surface.

And they’re willing to set aside their own preconceived notions.

There’s a really great book by Dr. Tim Elmore called “A New Kind of Diversity” that explores generational issues and differences.

In one of the sections, he offers six shifts to win the heart of a person whom you may be at odds with (likely someone who is different from you):

1. Don't think control, think connection.
2. Don't think tell, think ask.
3. Don't think rules, think equations.
4. Don't think prescriptive, think descriptive.
5. Don't think impose,  think expose.
6. Don't think manage, think mentor.

I think these are some great shifts in how we can bridge the gaps that are naturally occurring in our generationally diverse workforce.

Connection over control will always win!